Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
