Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
