Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize