Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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