hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My vagina is officially offended.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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