i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
