i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
