I CAN MOONWALK!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat