I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
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i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
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when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary