you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
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I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...