Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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