giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
