why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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