Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
