I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
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Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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