i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
