3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
