im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
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It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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