Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
