i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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