this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize