the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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