My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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