Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
