I want to have your abortion
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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