I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
