The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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