The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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