And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
