Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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