Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
