Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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