It's Friday. Sex?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
