Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
