About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
