didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My underwear smells like fireworks.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
