Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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