we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
