Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
