whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
