I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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