btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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