Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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