I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
