you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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