He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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