barbara walters just said penis...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize