I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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