i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
