The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
