i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
