So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
