You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
