someone threw a dead crab at me
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
