I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
