Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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