Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize