remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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