oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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