so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
